Symbolic Projections

Usually this time of year I reflect on my conference ventures. In both  2015 and 2014  visual journals documented the events, people, and travels. However, things were a bit different this year. In the previous installments of this blog, I wrote about a prior pregnancy loss and the choice to keep the news of a successful pregnancy to ourselves (for as long as possible). As much as I tried to keep it casual and practical, some choices were removed from the table. Early in the year, during the second trimester, news arrived that I'd been accepted to present at this years AATA conference -- for no less than 2 sessions. I was ecstatic, until I realized conference was only 4 weeks to the day of my 'expected' delivery date. Our OB flat out said, that I could no longer "plan" my life as I was used to, and not to count on being able to make it to anything within 2 months of the birth. The final decision was mine, and although it pained me withdrawing from conferen...

Over the course of the past year I’ve gotten much advice. In fact I’d known this would happen, every ‘what to expect’ blog talks about it and how things will never be the same.  However, during the first trimester, I laid-low and attempted to keep the news to a select few. At this point it did not seem like much would change.  The lack of visible physical changes made it possible for a brief time for things to ‘seem’ business as usual on the surface.  On the inside, however, personal and professional practices were in flux. Conflicting emotions from happiness to guilt and anxiety were making their presence known. Was it the right time? Are we ready for this? What if I lose this one also, what then? Fears kept me from going social media public with the news and from making long term commitments. Only a core few knew early-on, as I would be needing their support in either scenario. The pregnancy would cause a ripple of changes from personal, to social/community, to care...

I first heard of the term “rainbow baby” after our loss in March of 2015 . As the condolences and advice poured-in and over us, this concept of a “rainbow baby” stuck silently to my grieving heart. [here is a post from a mom with her story and definition: 4+1 ] Some, identify babies born after the loss of a child as: Rainbow Babies. The concept being that when a rainbow appears it doesn’t mean there wasn’t a storm, nor that there wont be clouds in the future. It is a reminder that something hopeful has come in spite of it. In the fall of 2015, it happened, another life decided to blossom within me. This time there was an unprecedented amount of anxiety that I just couldn't shake. Every sensation, every ache, dreadful. The void left by the loss became filled with concern. The weeks ticked-by uneventfully, hitting all the markers and with good progress. The ache, the trepidation ever present, allowing just a breath of relief after each appointment. I didn't tell m...

It is with reserve and anxiety that I face the next stage of my life and (possibly) career. Soon my husband and I will be welcoming a baby girl into the world. I’ve heard it changes everything, even the things I don’t want to change. I know for certain that as a therapist things have already been changing and even my visual responses have moved in a new direction. It all began well over 12 months ago... When my husband and I, decided it was finally time to move towards the next stage of our lives, we certainly didn’t know half of what was coming our way. In retrospect, the decision seemed very easy at the time. After what felt like an eternity working on my dissertation and not getting anywhere, early 2015 brought the news that I was with child. Balancing a full time job, teaching, and writing seemed more daunting than the news of what was developing inside. Until about week 20 we just continued to do as we’ve always done... ...and then the first sonogram. Questions and smiles...

Spring has arrived (sort-of). Pollen is wafting and everywhere there are signs of life. After the intensity of the #creativedeed365 it took a few weeks before I could settle into a new "creative rhythm". One with a focus on building resiliency through creative engagement... ...and the first 3 months look like this... *These mandalas are on 8x8 bristol sheets. The 1st mandala of 2016 - using a vast variety of media: art stix, prisma color pencils, markers, sharpie pen, water soluble pencils. Processing the new year, changes, and hopes. February's mandala - prisma color pencils & sharpie pen. Swirling emotions carried over from 2015 meet current ones. March 4th mandala  - using handmade paper, prisma color pencils, acrylic paint. Reflecting & documenting developing  relationships . "Feeling, feelings...and taking ownership" 

...and just like that 365 days of creative deeds later the year-long project comes to a restful & reflective close. It all began with Gretchen Miller's Creativity in Motion  project for 2015. Here's a run-down: Create small pieces of art (about 3x2.5) daily Randomly gift the art pieces "as acts of kindness" + "to spread creative goodness" Date stamp and the # of the card were identified for each In addition, small "tags" were added that went on the back of each deed with basic information on the project and asking to share with  #found + #creativedeed365 on social media cites. I did not include my name, but I did include the name of my town (or wherever I made them, if I was travelling). In order for this project to be feasible I decided to recycle old pieces of art whenever possible as the base (some of the months with recycled art: January , April ). Each month's creative deeds were prepped as a batch. The paper cut into the r...

November, the 11th month of #creativedeeds, came and went with huge struggles. Just last month I posted on the need to "adapt" and go with what is needed, versus holding on to past methods of doing things.  One day after the next and week upon week November kept reminding me of just that. At first creation, then documentation, and even posts took more time and energy. Maybe it's the time of the year, maybe its other things taking a toll. Previous monthly creativedeed posts: January , February , March , April , May , June , July , August , September , October .   Stay up to date and follow the creativedeeds on Instagram . Thinking back and looking forwards to the last 31 days of creativedeeds for 2015 I'm going to re-do a few things from this past year that I believe worked well. 1. Square card format - yep, love it, seems to tickle my mandala-itchy hands. 2. natural dye/stain - I like the natural antique'd look, takes off some of the an...