The courage to be pregnant and a therapist: Another spark of life.

I first heard of the term “rainbow baby” after our loss in March of 2015.

As the condolences and advice poured-in and over us, this concept of a “rainbow baby” stuck silently to my grieving heart. [here is a post from a mom with her story and definition: 4+1 ]

Some, identify babies born after the loss of a child as: Rainbow Babies. The concept being that when a rainbow appears it doesn’t mean there wasn’t a storm, nor that there wont be clouds in the future. It is a reminder that something hopeful has come in spite of it.

In the fall of 2015, it happened, another life decided to blossom within me. This time there was an unprecedented amount of anxiety that I just couldn't shake. Every sensation, every ache, dreadful. The void left by the loss became filled with concern.

The weeks ticked-by uneventfully, hitting all the markers and with good progress. The ache, the trepidation ever present, allowing just a breath of relief after each appointment.

I didn't tell many people, I was illogically afraid that making it public would somehow jinx things. So, I waited.

...and I waited...

When I finally informed a select core I framed it around the previous loss and anxiety over a repeat.

Fall 2015: Another spark

And I kept waiting. Wore looser clothing and scarves, lots of scarves...

As the weeks passed the fear transformed into something else. I primarily worked with individuals with mood disorders and those with varying degrees of psychosis -- revealing my pregnancy would surpass a level of self-disclosure that I was uncomfortable with. Whether I did, or didn't tell, the therapeutic relationships with clients, peers, and the work environment itself, would soon begin to change.

March 2016: Conflicting emotions

As the weeks turned into months, I allowed myself to be distracted by the #365Creativedeeds and they kept me creating, even when I did not want to. When that project wrapped up at the end of 2015, I decided to take a break. I wanted to find my way back to more personal expressions, the sort I had not tackled in ages.

During these times of psychological and physical change, I wanted and needed a more "self-centered" creative practice.

Next post: The First Trimester - Changes in Imagery and Practices

Comments

Capturing a Moment: Gelatin Printing

Lets just get right down to it, you've either tried it and loved it or you're currently wondering what I'm talking about. Gelatin prints that's what. A few years ago a student introduced me to the wonders of using homemade gelatin as a printing plate (sugar free kind). As it turns out it is a very versatile work surface that brings an element of intrigue and play into the work space. When my clients first hear I'll be bringing in gelatin, they seek out napkins and forks and eagerly away the obviously tasty snack. The sound of dreams shattering as I pull-out the gelatin plates is audible (if only short lived). Soon everyone is poking and wiggling the gelatin and wondering what we'll be doing with it. Play is an important aspect of what I do. So is creativity and genuine interest. These things are however harder to come-by in adults than their younger counterparts (who jump-into explorer mode instinctively). Sometimes I have to coerce these attr

Stress Relief Recipe Book

Found some time this weekend to de-stress and what better way than delving into one of those “for later” piles. This particular pile consisted of a menagerie of brown paper bags (and the envelopes they were mailed-in). They were accompanied by notes, quotes, dyed papers, hand made paper, ribbons, and on and on, etc. These bits of mail have been coming-in at wonderfully random intervals for maybe 2 months. Now it is time to bind the collection into the Stress Relief Recipe Book it was meant for. To the bag full of bits of mail I also added: ruler, pencil, x-acto blade (and scissors), ice-pic, elmers (and other glues), thick string, wax candle (used it to wax the string), thick-blunt needle, and cardboard. *for anyone trying this out for the first time - go ahead and make your life simpler by having the inserts all be the same measurements (or close to it). First there was extensive Pinterest and Google searches for DIY paper bag books, but those mostly consisted

May 2014: Cuban Art Therapist (who would have thought it!)...

[I've had this entry on draft mode since the night I read the call for papers on the last AATA journal. In essence: How art therapists grapple with cultural/diversity/identity. ] To be quite honest, I am still naive (but getting better every day). I didn't think much about diversity or culture growing-up. I don't think most of us do. Until it happened, I stepped out of the nurturing pockets I’d grown-up in. Quite possibly there had been some hints at it, but I was unable to recognize them for what they were. Everyone else was quite like my family...then again I did not expect to be isolated because of my career choices either. Singled-out on another front for not fitting the preexisting categories. Not a teacher of children. Not a "starving" artist. Not a psychologist nor a medical doctor (didn't marry one of those either). Yes. All that is my last name...that part too. No you can't just shove some of it as a middle name. I don’t have one

Symbolic Projections

Search This Blog