Symbolic Projections

Making time to reflect on what has been one roller-coaster of a year. 2016 began on a high note, after the completion of the #creativedeed365 project from the year before. It took a couple weeks, but I was soon all wrapped up in mandalas once more. Re-Covering Creative Tracks (March) The Courage to be Pregnant and a Therapist: Over 12 Months Ago... Another Spark of Life First Trimester: Changes in Imagery & Practices Resilience Through the Second Trimester Planned Birth & Other Fairy Tales Postpartum Blues After Maternity Leave The Mindless Doodle ...and 2016 draws to a close.

So after the baby finally comes - you get to go home and be a happy little family. Right!? Late one August night. Eventually, yes. However, as many "what to expect" and "new mom" books foretell, after the baby exits, your body starts re-calibrating itself. The first few days to weeks are intense. There's physical healing that needs to take place, returning your bits to their new "normal". There's a flush of retained fluids, and hormones are all over the place. All while navigating sleep deprivation and being chewed-on (if you're BF). You're also having to take a crash course in a new "language", that of your newborn's cues and cries. So even after reading 'those' mom books and tons of webMB cites, I didn't notice when the crying started. Latching was a huge issue and nursing was torturous. I cried through a good bit of it. Felt guilty that she may share in my anguish -- so I tried sucking it up. White-nukli...

active labor - ring of fire While I do not pertain to know where these threads on the topics of pregnancy and professional identity will take me, they have certainly been building up-to -- labor and a birth story. Also, this post is more about the labor experience than it is about professional identity (that comes into play a bit later-on). Forewarning this one is a bit gory.  But, before we get there, a brief background on myself (as I'm hoping that not everyone that reads these posts knows me). I am an art therapist (you may know that by now). I consider myself an artist. Mindful engagement with art media and related topics is my favorite means of connecting with my clients.  As part of my groups I teach breathing exercises and practical ways to self-soothe. So when I found myself unable to do any of those things during my labor, I really felt out of sorts. Here's how things went... I had no idea what was in store for me when I awoke before my alarm this past M...

Usually this time of year I reflect on my conference ventures. In both  2015 and 2014  visual journals documented the events, people, and travels. However, things were a bit different this year. In the previous installments of this blog, I wrote about a prior pregnancy loss and the choice to keep the news of a successful pregnancy to ourselves (for as long as possible). As much as I tried to keep it casual and practical, some choices were removed from the table. Early in the year, during the second trimester, news arrived that I'd been accepted to present at this years AATA conference -- for no less than 2 sessions. I was ecstatic, until I realized conference was only 4 weeks to the day of my 'expected' delivery date. Our OB flat out said, that I could no longer "plan" my life as I was used to, and not to count on being able to make it to anything within 2 months of the birth. The final decision was mine, and although it pained me withdrawing from conferen...

Over the course of the past year I’ve gotten much advice. In fact I’d known this would happen, every ‘what to expect’ blog talks about it and how things will never be the same.  However, during the first trimester, I laid-low and attempted to keep the news to a select few. At this point it did not seem like much would change.  The lack of visible physical changes made it possible for a brief time for things to ‘seem’ business as usual on the surface.  On the inside, however, personal and professional practices were in flux. Conflicting emotions from happiness to guilt and anxiety were making their presence known. Was it the right time? Are we ready for this? What if I lose this one also, what then? Fears kept me from going social media public with the news and from making long term commitments. Only a core few knew early-on, as I would be needing their support in either scenario. The pregnancy would cause a ripple of changes from personal, to social/community, to care...

I first heard of the term “rainbow baby” after our loss in March of 2015 . As the condolences and advice poured-in and over us, this concept of a “rainbow baby” stuck silently to my grieving heart. [here is a post from a mom with her story and definition: 4+1 ] Some, identify babies born after the loss of a child as: Rainbow Babies. The concept being that when a rainbow appears it doesn’t mean there wasn’t a storm, nor that there wont be clouds in the future. It is a reminder that something hopeful has come in spite of it. In the fall of 2015, it happened, another life decided to blossom within me. This time there was an unprecedented amount of anxiety that I just couldn't shake. Every sensation, every ache, dreadful. The void left by the loss became filled with concern. The weeks ticked-by uneventfully, hitting all the markers and with good progress. The ache, the trepidation ever present, allowing just a breath of relief after each appointment. I didn't tell m...

It is with reserve and anxiety that I face the next stage of my life and (possibly) career. Soon my husband and I will be welcoming a baby girl into the world. I’ve heard it changes everything, even the things I don’t want to change. I know for certain that as a therapist things have already been changing and even my visual responses have moved in a new direction. It all began well over 12 months ago... When my husband and I, decided it was finally time to move towards the next stage of our lives, we certainly didn’t know half of what was coming our way. In retrospect, the decision seemed very easy at the time. After what felt like an eternity working on my dissertation and not getting anywhere, early 2015 brought the news that I was with child. Balancing a full time job, teaching, and writing seemed more daunting than the news of what was developing inside. Until about week 20 we just continued to do as we’ve always done... ...and then the first sonogram. Questions and smiles...