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Tapered Fall/Winter Musings

A Leaf on the Wind - Tissue paper, Fall leaves, Sharpie

My musings have been tapering-off for a while now. A slow drain and depletion of my usual spontaneity. I’ve found myself explaining to others and myself that “I just don’t have the time I used to”...”this week has been busy”...”maybe next week?” ... “or the next”...
The excuses are piling-up and so too are the stashes of ideas.


Lets get one thing down, just because I have been unable to work on any one given thing for any length of time does not mean that my “warehouse” is empty. Oh, far from it. With all the work and life stresses I still ‘think’ in pictures.
So, as things go when they don’t GO the way we are used-to. I now find myself compensating for my recent lack of habitual visual expression by squirreling away idea stashes. A pressed leaf, a meticulously emptied and unfolded tea bag [quite reminiscent of the mantle of turin], word clippings, and half a vespa. The stashes are everywhere. Journals and books are replete with flattened and falling-apart things that needed safe-keeping. These are different from my usual collections of items which are kept in purposeful drawers and boxes with similar objects and labeled. In sharing the crease of a book the squirrely stashes are held together -- a loose promise with the hopes of becoming something more.  
“I just don’t have the time I used to”...”this week has been busy”...”maybe next week?” ... “or the next”...
I used to have a phrase written on my work desk: A messy desk is signs of a creative mind. After long days of putting-out fires, work on my dissertation has slowed to a crawl. Taking time to draw, or paint, or journal (much less blog) seems counter intuitive and even shameful. How could I dedicate time to this escape, when I have so much to do!?


Now that I know, maybe I can reverse some of it.


In some of my web-wanderings I came across a blog post where ‘art’ was categorized for the purpose it served. Maybe its’ intention. It was just a line, maybe a title to a section but it stayed with me and after a few minutes that is all I could think about. Here is where that crumb trail lead me.


I have been making art for most of my life, and for most of my school-aged-life it has been for the amusement of others (ie. teachers, schools, parents, etc). It wasn’t until later-on that I started to create just because I needed to. A brief look back gives me the following outline as to some of the reasons why I create art -- or more aptly: visual artifacts.


(I create) Art for the sake of...
...understanding
    - a series of events
    - a particular experience
    - an emotion
    - anger
    - frustration
...memorializing
    - those who i love and have to let-go
    - those who i need to let-go
    - those who i’ve only recently met
   
...remembering
    - dreams
    - stories
   
...processing
    - expected change
    - unexpected change
    - loss(es)
    - relationships



As long as I keep going musing-making-creating, the gaps won't seem as daunting in retrospect... So here’s to the culmination of a year of many firsts and the welcoming of a productive-creative-inspiring year.

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