Symbolic Projections

I first heard of the term “rainbow baby” after our loss in March of 2015 . As the condolences and advice poured-in and over us, this concept of a “rainbow baby” stuck silently to my grieving heart. [here is a post from a mom with her story and definition: 4+1 ] Some, identify babies born after the loss of a child as: Rainbow Babies. The concept being that when a rainbow appears it doesn’t mean there wasn’t a storm, nor that there wont be clouds in the future. It is a reminder that something hopeful has come in spite of it. In the fall of 2015, it happened, another life decided to blossom within me. This time there was an unprecedented amount of anxiety that I just couldn't shake. Every sensation, every ache, dreadful. The void left by the loss became filled with concern. The weeks ticked-by uneventfully, hitting all the markers and with good progress. The ache, the trepidation ever present, allowing just a breath of relief after each appointment. I didn't tell m...

It is with reserve and anxiety that I face the next stage of my life and (possibly) career. Soon my husband and I will be welcoming a baby girl into the world. I’ve heard it changes everything, even the things I don’t want to change. I know for certain that as a therapist things have already been changing and even my visual responses have moved in a new direction. It all began well over 12 months ago... When my husband and I, decided it was finally time to move towards the next stage of our lives, we certainly didn’t know half of what was coming our way. In retrospect, the decision seemed very easy at the time. After what felt like an eternity working on my dissertation and not getting anywhere, early 2015 brought the news that I was with child. Balancing a full time job, teaching, and writing seemed more daunting than the news of what was developing inside. Until about week 20 we just continued to do as we’ve always done... ...and then the first sonogram. Questions and smiles...